Life Lesson 1001: Opening Day and Living in the Moment

My endlessly kind mother and I went to the Baltimore Orioles 2016 opening day game at Camden Yards, slated to begin at 3:05 in the afternoon. Ominous clouds hung overhead as the eager crowd stocked up on cold beer and hot dogs. The tarp went onto the field and the fans sat with concerned faces. When would the first pitch cross the pristine plate?

4:45 p.m.

After I recovered from the minor shock that the game was not going to start for another hour, I resolved to make the most of my precious time with my mother. We spoke at length and had a rare opportunity to delve into life topics that we generally only scratch the surface of. Success!

4:45 p.m.: The first 30 minutes of play were exciting. Then the rain picked up. Rain delay number two! We decided to leave as bedtimes and tefillah (prayer) were peeking around the corner of the diamond. Then I thought, “Oh no, there haven’t been five innings. If they don’t start again, this game won’t go in the books.”

The rookie’s hit in his first big league plate appearance…erased. The starting pitcher’s stellar 5 strike outs in two innings…gone. Because there will be no outcome, this game and these moments will be gone forever, as if they never happened.

Or would they be gone?

Does a process only have existence if there is a result? Do the pages in the story only have life if the book has an end? Does the effort at work only have vitality if the project is completed? Although, theoretically obvious and simple, the "no" to the above questions often eludes us, and we are poorer for being distant from this teaching. 

Life is not always neat. The game often does not result in a win or loss. The article may not get finished. The project may switch gears and not have the predicted finale. A person may switch careers and feel as though he left orphaned skills and knowledge sets at his former office. Yet, life is not about whether there is a result, but how we play the game. The moments are alive, delicious, and laden with meaning simply by themselves, regardless of the results.

Hashem wants us to focus on the process of life. Are you putting effort into your Mitzvos? Do you give yourself fully to the Torah learning you are engaged in?

In Pirkei Avot Rabbi Ben Hei Hei teaches us, lefum tzara agra –according to the effort (lit suffering) will be the reward. (Pirkei Avot 5:21). Hashem is concerned primarily about our input: our attention, focus, thinking, actions, and emotional investment. He does not primarily focus on whether we finish the Sefer, complete the Mitzvah, or otherwise obtain the ideal result.

The above teaching regarding relishing the process has major implications.

•    Practice mindfulness. “Outcome thinking” is often our default pattern. Practice pausing, breathing, and briefly considering how you want to “be” in each situation. If you notice that your mind is drifting to the next activity or the outcome of the activity you are engaged in, escape to a brief inner recess. Take 4 deep breaths. Bring your focus back to the present moment. Look into the eyes of the person you are speaking to. Listen carefully to the words he or she is transmitting to you. Smell the air as you walk outside. The only place you can be is in the present. Be present.
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•    Set process goals, not just outcome goals. Instead of, or in addition to, writing down goals such as finishing a particular Sefer, competing in an event, raising X amount of dollars for an organization, or similar objectives, capture the process goals as well. I will learn 3 pages from this Mussar (Torah book on ethical teachings) Sefer each day; I will learn 1 new halacha per week; I will take a brisk walk 5 days each week; I will call one person each week solely for the purpose of sharing a few kinds words.
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So, read the chapter even though you may not finish the book; learn several verses in this week’s Torah portion even though you may not reach its end; have the conversation with the old friend even though he may not be a part of your current life picture; try the class even though you may not go to the next; order a different meal even though you may get the “regular” next time; work on a particular character trait with gusto even though you don’t know what success looks like; join a Shabbat meal even though you not be “all in;” and go on that trail even though you don’t know where it leads. 

Do it for the moments themselves, not because of the finish line. 

As a side note, I slipped into the trap of trying to reach a specific word count with this piece. Keep your eye on those outcome-based thoughts. They tend to persist. OId habits don’t die easily. They require present-minded effort to overcome!

So keep reading and keep growing!