Gam zu l’tovah: This too is for the good!

Three simple words. “Gam zu l’tovah.” This too is for the good. A phrase that was always on the lips of one of our great sages, Nachum Ish Gamzu, as related in the Talmud (Taanis 21a). I’ve been trying to use it more often, especially during through this most unusual time. It’s been a fast and potent tool to help me reframe a “right now” challenge that is screaming, crying, whining, or kicking in front of me.

Sometimes we feel in the moment and recognize that a challenge is from Hashem. “Ok, that makes sense.” We feel that we have the wherewithal to deal with it in this moment. It’s often after we’ve had breakfast, a coffee, or a restorative nap. “I’ve got this.” But there are other times when it’s a string of challenges that seems impossible. “Okay Hashem. I get A. I sorta get B. I think I can muscle my way through C. But there’s no way this D is Heaven sent. There’s no way this D makes any sense at all. This, This is ridiculous.”

“This is absurd!” “I can’t believe he threw that toy at me again.” “I can’t believe she’s whining about milk again or asked me to get more water after I just sat down and asked them before I sat down, “does anyone need more water?”” “This is over the top. It’s too much. I won’t stand for it!”

But this too is for the good.

This baby that inexplicably won’t go down even though I’ve done all the normal steps to help her go down drowsy, but awake is also for the good. This two year old that is asking me on every page of the book, “What’s that Abba? What’s that Abba? What’s that Abba?,” while the bigger kids urge me to go on—also for the good. This big boy who likes climbing on top of my car and telling me that he’s a super hero is also for the good (although he really does need to get down because I don’t want to go the ER with a broken-armed kid in the middle of this pandemic or anytime for that matter).

Hashem often sends us similar challenges with a slight twist each day (e.g., kid splashes bath on the floor with a cup, then with a brush, then jumps down bath wall or throws toys up and over—he’s got a good arm!). We may ask ourselves, “Why does Hashem send me these same mundane, yet annoying, challenges day after day when I could be learning more Torah, calling a lonely person as a chessed, or meditating about the meaning of life. Instead I’m getting the milk from the fridge for an umpteenth time!” Only Hashem knows. We won’t get the why down here. But if we can plug into gam zu l’tovah—this too is for the good—we can hope to weather the daily jabs and blows of life that otherwise upend us in the aggregate.

One more note: the this in gam zu l’tovah works for all of Hashem’s curve balls. Whether it’s the garden variety type of home challenges mentioned above or the big ones like an illness, which hits home for so many right now, financial hardships, loneliness or the loss of a loved one, gam zu l’tovah, as articulated by our Sages, has the ability to put us in a proper frame of mind for it all. It ain’t easy. And I don’t mean to suggest that using this tool is a panacea. Nor do I suggest that I’m particularly adept at it (although I’m working on it). Combine with other tools. Practice, practice, practice. And with Hashem’s help, you’ll start to feel the dividends little by little of incorporating this practice into your life.

Brachos for peace of mind and growth during this time. Let’s daven that we’re able to carry the growth forward when we, G-d willing, emerge from this surreal bubble and return to “regular” life with an expanded view of the gift of in-person, face-to-face human connection.  

Permanent Mooring: Hashem is the Best Anchor

Permanent Mooring: Hashem is the Best Anchor

by Adam Chaim Rubin

Life moves fast. We shift from one experience to the next and often feel the transience, the fleeting moments, in a profound way.

A person is in college There is a whole world of friends, buildings, classes, and teams. Then comes graduation and the whole world disappears. 

A person is involved in his first job. There are colleagues, reports, new skills, deadlines, and special occasions. Then he leaves for another job. That whole scene vanishes in what seems to be an instant. 

How do we cope with being pulled out of one situation to the next, acknowledging feelings that had deep roots, scenes that seemed so permanent?

The answer: Hashem.

Hashem is truly constant. Hashem is truly enduring. He never leaves. He never vanishes. From one scene to the next, He’s there with us every step of the way. He remembers when your heart was broken; He was there. He remembers when you gave that report in front of your 10^th grade English class; He was there for that, too. He remembers when you sat down to your first Shabbos meal with a Torah-observant family; He was beaming!

So the next time you are looking for a thread to connect all of those seemingly disconnected and disparate dots on your journey on this spinning ball of rock, look no further than Hashem. 

If we recognize that Hashem is the foundation of all of our experiences, that Hashem was the Orchestrator of all of our seemingly disconnected stops, we can feel a stronger sense of continuity and connectedness; two important “C” words that often elude us. 

This wisdom can enable us to not to plant our roots too deeply in the temporal situations we find ourselves in, whether geographically, financially, educationally, or otherwise. Rather, we can focus on sinking our roots in the only Thing that won’t change, hasn’t changed, and never will change.

Hashem. 

Now that’s an enduring thought.

An Ambulance for My Aunt Olivia

My dear Uncle Allan donated an ambulance to Magen David Adom in honor of my Aunt Olivia, who passed away March 1, 2012. My cousin, Craig Rubin, and I spoke at the dedication ceremony. My entrance is at the 50 second mark. May her neshama (soul) have an aliyah (ascension) from this beautiful dedication. See link below.

http://www.lohud.com/story/news/2016/05/01/chestnut-ridge-family-donates-ambulance-israel/83654088/

Portion Control: One Key to Successful Weight Loss

Should you drop carbs? Keep it low fat? Go organic? High-protein? What’s the key to a successful nutrition program?

The answer is…drum roll…eating moderate portion sizes of a variety of types of food ! A long term nutrition program does not involve eliminating or drastically minimizing one or more of the three main macronutrients. See the “big” three below.

The human body is designed to operate on a mixture of proteins, fats, and carbohydrates. The percentages of proteins, fats, and carbohydrates in a diet will vary from one individual to another based on his or her unique lifestyle and physiological needs.

However, a general rule-of-thumb is to get 45-65% of your daily calories from carbohydrates, 10-35% of your daily calories from protein, and 20-35% of your daily calories from fats.[1]

If you wonder why the percentages above have big ranges, it’s because people vary significantly in their dietary needs. Variations exists due to the interplay of physiological, genetic, lifestyle, and environmental factors.

So the next time you hear an ad telling you to drop carbs (say goodbye to pizza, bagels, bread, cereal, etc.) or fat (bon voyage peanut butter, avocado, cheese, red meat, etc.) or any other extreme dietary measure, don’t buy into the hype.

The key is modest portion sizes of whatever you are enjoying. Here are three tips for sticking to smaller portion sizes.

• ·         Use smaller plates.

We live in a culture that values “clearing your plate.” If you’ve left anything on the plate, you’re not manly enough or wasteful. Our plates are pretty big. You do the math. If you use smaller plates, you can even get away with seconds without feeling guilty

• ·         Use visuals of everyday items to determine reasonable portion sizes.

The following portion sizes are examples of reasonable portion sizes. Individual needs (and desires) may vary. 1 ounce of cheese equals 1 pair of dice. 3 ounces of chicken, meat or fish equals 1 deck of cards.  ½ cup of cereal equals ½ of a baseball. ½ cup of vegetables equals 1 computer mouse.

• ·         Leave a few “bites” on the plate.

This one is certainly not easy to do. Build your self-mastery while you trim your waistline! If you leave a small portion of food on the plate at each meal it will add up. Used in combination with the above techniques, refraining from clearing your plate will make a difference in your circumference.

For more information or to schedule an appointment, call (301) 233-6622.

ATTENTION: PLEASE READ THESE TERMS CAREFULLY BEFORE USING THIS WEBSITE. USING THIS WEBSITE INDICATES THAT YOU ACCEPT THESE TERMS. IF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT THESE TERMS ("TERMS"), DO NOT USE THIS WEBSITE. 

www.preferredpersonaltraining.blogspot.com and all material written by Adam Rubin, J.D., NASM, is provided for informational and educational purposes only and is meant to complement the advice and guidance of your health care team, defined as physician, registered dietitian, registered nurse and other credentialed/qualified members. This Site, www.preferredpersonaltraining.blogspot.com is not intended and should not be construed as the delivery of medical care. Persons requiring diagnosis or treatment or with questions specific to a single individual are urged to contact their local health care provider for appropriate care. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider prior to starting any new diet or treatment and with any questions you may have regarding nutrition, health, a medical condition, food, beverage, product, supplement, nutrient or drug-nutrient interaction. The creators, distributors, producers, and participants of this Site, including but not limited to Adam Rubin, J.D., NASM, disclaim any liability or loss in connection with the content provided here. Statements of fact will not necessarily be authenticated. 

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[1] Mayo Clinic (http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/how-to-eat-healthy/art-20046590).

A Waiter’s Lesson In Patience

I was recently enjoying lunch at a local café when the following occurred.

As I was having a conversation with my supervisor, I glanced toward the counter. Several teenagers walked toward the counter and spotted a complimentary plate of chocolate chip cookie slices (if that doesn’t bring in customers, what will)?

Then I realized what was going on. They saw an opportunity for free food and left their manners at home. They proceeded to each eat slices of the cookie and walk away. Then the young men strolled back over to the counter a second time. One of them had the gall to ask for a free drink of water as they continued to munch away! At this point, I was internally fuming.

“How could they be so brazen? Don’t give him water. Tell him to leave and only come back if he wants to be a patron.”

Then I witnessed greatness.

The waiter pulled out a large pitcher of water, filled a cup and handed it to the young man. I think the whippersnappers finished all 360 degrees of the cookie, but I don’t know for certain.

Wow. He knew what was going on and he didn’t tell them off. He didn’t even tell them off in a polite and dignified way. He gave the young man a drink and didn’t mention the cookie-heist.

After my meal, I walked over to the waiter, whom I had previously had the pleasure of speaking to (mainly during ordering, I must admit).

I told him that I appreciated his patience and was impressed by the Kiddush Hashem--an act of sanctification of G-d’s name--that he performed with his noble response. He responded, “Hey, we need everyone.”

One of G-d’s thirteen traits that he revealed to Moses was Erech A’payim—slow-to-anger. Patience. Patience is the ability to slow things down and release the frustration that naturally rises when our will is hindered.

The breakneck speed of life, coupled with our individual perceptions of our own moral greatness, often produces a toxic cocktail of righteous indignation. We are utterly offended if parents yell at their children; if a bus driver doesn’t smile when we step on to the bus; if our spouses don’t welcome us with slippers and a pipe when we enter after a long day at the office; when our child defies our will when we know the right thing to do!

The calm waiter was “spot on.” We need the older person who feels bitter because his family doesn’t visit him; we need the teenagers who often act rude because they weren’t exposed to mature role models; we need the bus driver who didn’t smile because his dad passed away two weeks ago. We need everybody because we’re all in this together.

We’ll only get through this life in a beautiful way if we embody and live a kind patience; if we don’t bristle and extend our spikes when we’re offended. Of course, there are times we need to take a stand and express a resounding “no” to an injustice perpetrated before our eyes or ears. In those moments, a failure to stand up and speak up would be inappropriate. Let these moments be the exception, and let us choose patience with a side of sincere warmth.

The Key is in Your Pocket

One morning last week during our morning “rush hour” I could not find my keys.

“Where are they? They’re always in my coat pocket at this point.”

As I juggled Mayer and Yehudis, I tried to find the keys. I covered all of the tables, rooms, nooks and crannies. No keys!

What do you do if you’re in a real bind? I texted my wife. She called me immediately and asked me if they were in one of the usual suspect places. As I was speaking to her I thought, “Let me stick my hand in this coat pocket one last time just…”

Found them.

How could that be? I already checked there. They were hiding beneath a glove and a pair of 180 ear muffs. How dare they!

A recurring life question bubbled up in my mind not long after key-gate. “What can I learn from this?

The following idea emerged.

When you’re looking for something, look deeper in the places you’d expect to find it. You don’t need to scour exotic and unusual places.

Very often, we seek joy, pleasure, identity, meaning, and life’s other important qualities in exotic places. We cover the globe in the digital morning paper; we read this book and that book to try and discover ourselves; we yearn for a trip to the islands, the mountains, the beaches in order to acquire serenity.

More often than not, what we’re looking for is right at our fingertips. More joy is waiting for us if we put in more effort at our homes. Greater self-knowledge is at hand when we sit and “go inside” for more than just a few moments. Meaning is practically jumping off the pages of the books of Torah that line our bookshelves.

So the next time you feel like you’re missing something, stop, breathe deeply, and look deeper at the people, situation, and time that is right before your eyes. No traveling required.

Life Lesson 1001: Opening Day and Living in the Moment

My endlessly kind mother and I went to the Baltimore Orioles 2016 opening day game at Camden Yards, slated to begin at 3:05 in the afternoon. Ominous clouds hung overhead as the eager crowd stocked up on cold beer and hot dogs. The tarp went onto the field and the fans sat with concerned faces. When would the first pitch cross the pristine plate?

4:45 p.m.

After I recovered from the minor shock that the game was not going to start for another hour, I resolved to make the most of my precious time with my mother. We spoke at length and had a rare opportunity to delve into life topics that we generally only scratch the surface of. Success!

4:45 p.m.: The first 30 minutes of play were exciting. Then the rain picked up. Rain delay number two! We decided to leave as bedtimes and tefillah (prayer) were peeking around the corner of the diamond. Then I thought, “Oh no, there haven’t been five innings. If they don’t start again, this game won’t go in the books.”

The rookie’s hit in his first big league plate appearance…erased. The starting pitcher’s stellar 5 strike outs in two innings…gone. Because there will be no outcome, this game and these moments will be gone forever, as if they never happened.

Or would they be gone?

Does a process only have existence if there is a result? Do the pages in the story only have life if the book has an end? Does the effort at work only have vitality if the project is completed? Although, theoretically obvious and simple, the "no" to the above questions often eludes us, and we are poorer for being distant from this teaching. 

Life is not always neat. The game often does not result in a win or loss. The article may not get finished. The project may switch gears and not have the predicted finale. A person may switch careers and feel as though he left orphaned skills and knowledge sets at his former office. Yet, life is not about whether there is a result, but how we play the game. The moments are alive, delicious, and laden with meaning simply by themselves, regardless of the results.

Hashem wants us to focus on the process of life. Are you putting effort into your Mitzvos? Do you give yourself fully to the Torah learning you are engaged in?

In Pirkei Avot Rabbi Ben Hei Hei teaches us, lefum tzara agra –according to the effort (lit suffering) will be the reward. (Pirkei Avot 5:21). Hashem is concerned primarily about our input: our attention, focus, thinking, actions, and emotional investment. He does not primarily focus on whether we finish the Sefer, complete the Mitzvah, or otherwise obtain the ideal result.

The above teaching regarding relishing the process has major implications.

•    Practice mindfulness. “Outcome thinking” is often our default pattern. Practice pausing, breathing, and briefly considering how you want to “be” in each situation. If you notice that your mind is drifting to the next activity or the outcome of the activity you are engaged in, escape to a brief inner recess. Take 4 deep breaths. Bring your focus back to the present moment. Look into the eyes of the person you are speaking to. Listen carefully to the words he or she is transmitting to you. Smell the air as you walk outside. The only place you can be is in the present. Be present.
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•    Set process goals, not just outcome goals. Instead of, or in addition to, writing down goals such as finishing a particular Sefer, competing in an event, raising X amount of dollars for an organization, or similar objectives, capture the process goals as well. I will learn 3 pages from this Mussar (Torah book on ethical teachings) Sefer each day; I will learn 1 new halacha per week; I will take a brisk walk 5 days each week; I will call one person each week solely for the purpose of sharing a few kinds words.
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So, read the chapter even though you may not finish the book; learn several verses in this week’s Torah portion even though you may not reach its end; have the conversation with the old friend even though he may not be a part of your current life picture; try the class even though you may not go to the next; order a different meal even though you may get the “regular” next time; work on a particular character trait with gusto even though you don’t know what success looks like; join a Shabbat meal even though you not be “all in;” and go on that trail even though you don’t know where it leads. 

Do it for the moments themselves, not because of the finish line. 

As a side note, I slipped into the trap of trying to reach a specific word count with this piece. Keep your eye on those outcome-based thoughts. They tend to persist. OId habits don’t die easily. They require present-minded effort to overcome!

So keep reading and keep growing!