A Waiter’s Lesson In Patience

I was recently enjoying lunch at a local café when the following occurred.

As I was having a conversation with my supervisor, I glanced toward the counter. Several teenagers walked toward the counter and spotted a complimentary plate of chocolate chip cookie slices (if that doesn’t bring in customers, what will)?

Then I realized what was going on. They saw an opportunity for free food and left their manners at home. They proceeded to each eat slices of the cookie and walk away. Then the young men strolled back over to the counter a second time. One of them had the gall to ask for a free drink of water as they continued to munch away! At this point, I was internally fuming.

“How could they be so brazen? Don’t give him water. Tell him to leave and only come back if he wants to be a patron.”

Then I witnessed greatness.

The waiter pulled out a large pitcher of water, filled a cup and handed it to the young man. I think the whippersnappers finished all 360 degrees of the cookie, but I don’t know for certain.

Wow. He knew what was going on and he didn’t tell them off. He didn’t even tell them off in a polite and dignified way. He gave the young man a drink and didn’t mention the cookie-heist.

After my meal, I walked over to the waiter, whom I had previously had the pleasure of speaking to (mainly during ordering, I must admit).

I told him that I appreciated his patience and was impressed by the Kiddush Hashem--an act of sanctification of G-d’s name--that he performed with his noble response. He responded, “Hey, we need everyone.”

One of G-d’s thirteen traits that he revealed to Moses was Erech A’payim—slow-to-anger. Patience. Patience is the ability to slow things down and release the frustration that naturally rises when our will is hindered.

The breakneck speed of life, coupled with our individual perceptions of our own moral greatness, often produces a toxic cocktail of righteous indignation. We are utterly offended if parents yell at their children; if a bus driver doesn’t smile when we step on to the bus; if our spouses don’t welcome us with slippers and a pipe when we enter after a long day at the office; when our child defies our will when we know the right thing to do!

The calm waiter was “spot on.” We need the older person who feels bitter because his family doesn’t visit him; we need the teenagers who often act rude because they weren’t exposed to mature role models; we need the bus driver who didn’t smile because his dad passed away two weeks ago. We need everybody because we’re all in this together.

We’ll only get through this life in a beautiful way if we embody and live a kind patience; if we don’t bristle and extend our spikes when we’re offended. Of course, there are times we need to take a stand and express a resounding “no” to an injustice perpetrated before our eyes or ears. In those moments, a failure to stand up and speak up would be inappropriate. Let these moments be the exception, and let us choose patience with a side of sincere warmth.